Bathed, pjs on, ready for bed! All we need to do now is... yeah

Flying Musicians

Directions for laughter:

Watch:                           Meaghan Smith's "Drifted Apart" music video

Read Commentary         "oh, is that Tinkerbelle?" (Megan, age 3)

Laugh

Monkeys

They say we descended from these animals. I say pshh posh- my great-great-greats x alot were Adam & Eve... but my kids on the other hand....

Household Tip

So if you run out of dishwasher detergent don't use dish hand washing detergent... even if you  think to yourself, "well it will probably just suds a bit extra- pshhh it'll be okay"... don't think that... just saying.

(Umm yeah-so those soaking wet bath towels represent an area that may (or may not) have been covered previously with the same suds seen just a smidge further to the left. Once again... not something to try in YOUR home).

Birthday presents

 "mommy, can we get daddy a submarine for his birthday?"

-Jane, Age 4

Dora

This is Megan and her caterpillar Dora. (Dora the like 3rd, 4th or maybe 5th?). Whenever she finds a caterpillar she picks it up, names it Dora, plays with it, makes it a house, feeds it... and inevitably loses it- at which point she cries. Worms get the same loving treatment. If you are, however, an ant... she  will run and scream, stand paralyzed by fear or simply stomp you dead. Caterpillars good. Ants bad. The end.

"Dora #?" and Megan

Here is evidence of all our "family photos"

OUR "FAMILY PHOTOS"

EXHIBIT A:

So in this shot- we have a few problems- my husband and father of my children is missing from the photo, we all look slightly wrinkled, we're in a museum... oh yeah - and one of my kids is missing her head.

EXHIBIT B:

Now this example here isn't too bad- we're at least all dressed up- and my son wasn't yet born so we can excuse his absence, but really I'm not sure it's frame-ready:

EXHIBIT C:

Oh wait! Darn. There is no Exhibit C. Our computer crashed. Harddrive died. Motherboard fried. When I make $2000 from Adsense I'll be able to get it fixed- cause that's what the guy told me after I spent $50 to get it "repaired"... so yeah only $1999.45 to go and I'll get my picture back!

EXHIBIT D:

Our family together- collectively in swimsuits. Sorry not yet ready to be posted... but hey just picture everyone above - but in beach gear- TAH DAH.

Family Photos

We don't have any family photos. You want to know why? Because we've never gone- that's why. I want a nice picture. My husband wants a nice "outdoors" picture. Three kids later- no family photos... I think we have 2 snapshots that include both of us and all of our children (one was when I was pregnant & the other happened to be today and we were in swimsuits). On with the story...

So I was at Sears one day... and I have notoriously bad luck (which I'm working on turning around)... and lo and behold - I find all of these INCREDIBLE deals- of things I NEED! I'm thrilled... and to top it all off - while we are shopping my girls and I find a little gift bag that tells us we've won a prize and to go to the portrait studio. Well I'm not one to look a gift-horse in the mouth... but I was pretty sure it is just another discount coupon- but did a "what the hay? Let's check it out." Turns out it is a FREE family portrait session- AND we would REALLY get free family portraits. I verified that the manager was not joking - and sure enough she wasn't. I thought to myself- WOW! What gives? This isn't something that happens to me- I'm just SO happy. I ask her what the price would be to get a large portrait done (something not covered by the freebie deal)- we're hurting for pictures and could use some evidence of our family relationship for posterity. She asks what size- I say- "oh I don't know- an 11x14- something like that"... and she- I KID YOU NOT- says, "here" and hands me a gift certificate for a FREE ONE! She tells me to use it before the end of the summer. I'm thrilled! Just thrilled! As a cherry on top- she gives my kids stickers and I march away from that Sears with a little piece of "oooo goody for me!" written all over my face.

The day approaches for our family portrait to be done- something comes up so I reschedule- explaining the reason to the studio clerk. No prob she says. A few days before our new appointment time our littlest trapeze artist does a tumble and scrapes his face up. I call again- ask if they can erase out such things. Nope. Okay let's reschedule. Is it okay? Do you mind? No? Great! Thanks! Third times a charm right? Two days before our big "we're-really-a-family-and-we-have-the-pictures-to-prove-it moment" my 5-year old goes "pee" and comes out without an eyebrow. Yeah-that's right- NO EYEBROW! "What?" you say- and I say "she shaved it off. Yup. Gone" Then I say to her "HEY! What did you do that for? We're suppose to get our family pictures done?" You know what the kid says? She says: "maybe you could just draw it on?"

"Yeah and while I'm at it- maybe I can just draw a family portrait." The end.

Sisters... you can always count on them for a little support

Beware of... MONKIES

My daughter has been cleaning

So one day a number of weeks ago after getting out of the shower my three-year-old shared some enlightening news for me,

Megan: "Mommy I did something for you while you were in the shower!"

Mommy: "What?"

Megan (full of pride and elation): "I cleaned your potty for you... with your toothbrush and daddy's toothbrush!"

***SMILE***

Quotes of the Week #3

So I'm nursing my baby one day in my room. My husband, realizing the baby might fall asleep in our room- and be there for the night suggests,

"Why don't you go MILK HIM in [his room]?"

Lamentations of someone who would like to meet Oprah

So... I know this is going to come as a big surprise to most of you, and probably a big disappointment...

dare I say it...

I know, I know. We all thought I would be meetin' and greetin' by now. Hob-knobbin' with the likes of Gail and  Stedman and maybe Mr. Obama, as me and Ms. Winfrey conversed like old friends... but alas... I cannot lie-she has not called.

Maybe she didn't get my letter? Must not have. I

I guess I'll have to try again. 

Well-wishers welcome.

Sincerely,

One who wants to chat with Oprah Winfrey

P.S. On a serious note- I did get an email from a lady who has met Oprah twice. She sent me her phone number. I'm going to ring her for some tips on getting an in with Lady O.

The 18-Year Old List

So a long time ago,  I attended a marriage course at church. There was a couple teaching the class and the husband was talking about how his family had an "18 year-old list". It was his parents way of being unified in rearing their children and preparing them for life. He told about how he had a sister who could weld and how everyone in their family had fabulous skills because of their fabulous parents who essentially forced them to "graduate" from their family before they were allowed to be independent. Well I have to tell you- I didnt' really know these people very well, and aside from selling the man's wife  hanging flower baskets from the Garden Centre when I worked at Home Depot, I really haven't been overly influenced by these people... EXCEPT the 18-year old list. I set it in my mind that we would be doing the 18-year old list.
The couple  have since moved away, and I  don't keep in contact so I've had very little mentoring with this thing- yet I'm bound and determined to do it. I figure that Arthur can have Jane endentured as a carpenter sometime as a teenager- and by the time she leaves my house she'll have for sure at least one trade under her belt.(You think I'm kidding- but talk to Arthur- I'm serious. My kid already has a toolbelt and uses a measuring tape on a regular basis. She knows important people like dad, Joseph, and ummmm the Savior of the world were carpenters... so if it's good enough for them... it's surely at least a decent stepping stone for my kid). Aside from carpentry, I intend on my children having skills such as sports, music, money-management, etiquette, cultural understanding, cooking, cleaning, sewing, arts and crafts- I don't know maybe someone could teach them to crochet or play the eukele (I obviously cannot because I was not subject to an 18-year old list).

I've begun my tutelage with similar things that other parents do- like singing the alphabet and taking their kids to the zoo or library... but in a mode of ambition and the ultimate 18-year old list goal... I decided to do a 2 year old list... yeah cause ya' gotta' start some where, right? So I titled the list "103 before 3". I didn't think up this genius until Jane was like 2 1/2 and the only reason I picked 103 things to do was because it made for a catchy title... but you can see how this was maybe a little unfair. The list included simple things like having a playdate at the playground with Jane's friend Edward, and taking a ferry ride with Dad, to moderate things like learning your name, address, and phone number, all the way up to unrealistic things like being able to identify, say, and write every letter of the alphabet.

I was pretty proud of my big-little list and felt like I was well on my way to rearing the ultimate adult when I showed "103 before 3" to Arthur, and reminded him of the 18-Year Old List that we both had thought was a good idea. He felt the tasks on the "103 before 3" were a little juvenille. So I asked him what he thought might be more appropriate...

He suggested maybe some complicated knots.
*AS A Post-script: Jane is now 5 1/2 and taught herself to tie her shoelaces on her own. I tried to teach her the "fast-way", but I guess it was just too complicated (see link)

Link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TKWL1md7Dv4&feature=fvw

Toddlers and Toilets

I gots' ta' go bad. So I rush lightning speed to the bathroom. Flip up the toilet lid and am faced with the fact that the toddler who is strictly forbidden to use no more than "4 squares" has flushed a DOUBLE roll (again). AHHHHHHHHHHH ya' little monkey! I survey the situation, calculate the risk, and deem it too dangerous to continue. I recognize that whatever I put in the toilet- I'll be mopping off the floor. I cross my legs, flip up the toilet seat... and plunge. 5 minutes later- and may I remind you that 5 minutes is a long time when ya' "gots' ta' go baaaaaaaaaaaaad"- I hear the sloshy gurggle and flush. Hoooray. I sit down. I finish the errand- look to the toilet paper and realize it is the last roll and she FLUSHED IT ALL!!!

Kristi has a pretty blog and I don't... Wah wah for m

So my friend Kristi is the biggest, bestest blogger I know. I actually check in on her blog fairly often... and every time I do I think... wow- that looks really good. Wow I need a "button". And like the best handmade crafts... it doesn't look homemade... but she made it.

I asked her what to do. She helped me one day- and although you may not know it- my blog looks a lot better (which sadly is not saying much).

She gave me a few tips:

1. Get comments- they're good- so get them ... and a few tips on how (which I've been meaning to do, but I'm a little inconsistent with my improvements here)

2. Graphics, graphics, graphics.  But I have only an okay-camera. (that fell down the stairs at my old house and the batteries are held in by electrical tape- and quite frankly don't take the most super-fly photo). I'm also a university graduate, and I feel compelled that if I take a graphic from the web and it's copyrighted- even if I think it is public domain- that I may indeed be shot down to the depths of hell with absolutely no chance of redemption in the vast expanses of all eternity (you remember the post-secondary intellectual rights & playgerism lectures... shudder).

3. A button is good- it's like free-advertising. I googled how to make one... but it throws me back to number 2 where I need some good graphics.

Maybe this is kind of like those people who complain about other people who always look good, but make no effort to do so themselves. Maybe it's time for my blog to have a shower and put on some lipstick. I'm going to talk to Kristi and get me some more blog- beauty tips... in the meantime- WHAT DO YOU THINK WOULD MAKE MY BLOG MORE INTERESTING?

Picking a URL

I was thinking about starting a second blog- completely different feel, completely different genre. I can't seem to keep on top of this one... but for some reason I feel it might be beneficial to work on number 2? (Guess it's kind of like having kids huh?)

So I'm thinking something that gets my "serious" out- simply an outlet for writing- essays, thoughts, rants (i.e. a typical blog)... so I think... what could I use for a title on this thing- something simple, catchy and easy to remember. Something that suggests communication- listening, speaking, hearing- but bold and hard to forget.

I try a few URL's I believe MAY be taken- but it's always worth a shot. I start the usually-mammoth project that happens when you're trying to find a new login id or web address. So I begin typing

"Listen"

before the .blogspot yaddy, yaddy- it's taken, (and it appears that this guy might be remotely funny). Then I try:

"Hear Me"

also taken- but looks like this one is abandoned... so then I think a little harder, get a bit more creative. I stretch those creative muscles and try:

"I Want your Ears"

... and "surprisingly" enough... it IS available- and for a moment I think-

"boy, what luck! I better snatch that up, before some one else takes it- that's a good one!"... and then I laugh thinking about how it's sounds bizarrely adult and might illicit the wrong traffic.

Quotes of the Week # 2

My two year-old on mornings,  "it's not night time- it's light time!"

"What does precisely mean?

What does experimentation mean?"

-my five-year old

Eggs

While baking one day with my two year old, I reminded her to get her fingers out of the batter a number of times. Then I told her: "there are raw eggs in it- they might make you sick". My mom, who'd been in another room, entered the kitchen and my daughter quickly warned her, "Nannie don't eat the batter- there are rotten eggs in it!"

Just another Ordinary Day

In honour of Sunday's time change; I share a day from the past (March 9/08)

So my day today, went a little like this:

6:37am-
My husband (who hears NOTHING while he's sleeps) bolts up in bed and frantically says "I hear something ringing, do you hear something ringing?!!!"

I (who wakes up at the blowing of the wind) say "NO".

6:39am (approximately)-  Arthur once again sits up like a gunshots gone off by his head and again claims to hear ringing. I listen intently- thoughtfully- and with dilligence... and then I can hear it- the phone ringing 2 floors beneath us. So I think... OH NO SOMEONE IS DEAD. I don't know if Arthur thinks this too- but he runs down stairs like he might beable to save his/her life- if perhaps the verdict of death is undecided... he comes back upstairs... just his mom reminding us that the time has changed. No one has died... it's just 7:39am... and we really needed to know that.

7:40am I try to get back to sleep- excited by the fact that I'd been able to sleep for 7 record-breaking solid hours... but my mind wakes up and refuses to let my body slumber.

Shortly thereafter- Megan awakes. I allow her to play with my brand new package of pantyhose while I get dressed. I'm on top of things. Arthur has left for some early morning meetings and I am going to ready my flock for spiritual feeding all on my own and it's going to be calm and good... and it is... up until about 45 minutes before I have to leave... and I can't find my pantyhose. I get down on all 4s like some people do to "child-proof" their house... I see problems, but I do not see pantyhose. She's one- how good can she be at hide-n-seek? Mighty good. In the nick of time I discover my pantyhose one floor down, under the kitchen table... I don't know how they got there... but they did.

So this isn't too dramatic. I arrive at church late. Not too dramatic. Church is good... then Andreas & Sarah (my sibs-in-law) invite us over for supper. I say a big YES. I am happy not to cook. I am happy to relax (ha ha ha) in somebody else's home. We arrive... we talk, we jest, we are having a generally good time... and then Andreaa starts yelling at Jane. He "can't believe [she] put that in her mouth"... oh no. Has she broken something? For some reason my mind wanders to the fish tank and for a moment I envision something sticky and wrong plastered to her tongue. No. I am wrong. She's bitten off the end of a glow-stick and bright yellowy flourescence is coming from her mouth. Andreas' running to the bathroom with 3 year old under arm. Arthur is going for back-up. I request a phone book. Every woman in the room knows why. I mention how I wonder how many calls it takes to poison control before they send social services out to pick-up your children. One of my sisters-in-law offers that they probably don't know who I am. I come back with an - oh but they do- they get my phone number and my name (and I'm sure by now they're starting to recognize my voice). I call- they ask "what number are you calling from" - I breathe a sigh of relief- they don't know it's me... I get at least one more shot- I give them Sarah''s phone number. The lady tells me to get Janet  to drink water. I don't realize this is the "start" of the instructions- so I thank her and ask her if that's all? She says "no, no" and asks some questions, gives me the play-by-play of what to do. I feel a little like I'm on the phone with the 911 operator... except everyone is mostly fine... just one little someone's tongue is glowing. Long story short- don't eat glow sticks- you'll be fine but your tounge will hurt.

So we have our accident for the day or so I think. Megan  gets her fingers jammed, quite by accident, 2 times in closet doors. We eat supper. Megan starts doing this weird limp thing... Faye, Arthur, and Caley conclude something is "wrong" with her foot. I think of Jane's IWK/ limp trip and don't wish to repeat it... just walk normal would you PLEASE kid? So she doesn't. I take her socks off- still gimpy, rub her feet- little tipsy still, roll up her pant-legs... and we're back in the game. Tragedy averted.

I'm getting pretty tiered. We need to go. Curious George and company are active, I'm fatigued by it all. I put Jane's coat on. Done. "Where's Megan?" I say... not in the livingroom (where she'd been when I started the 1 minute process of putting Jane's coat on), not by the table, not in the kitchen, not in the hall. It's a one bedroom apartment- all we have left is a bedroom, some closets.... and the BATHROOM.... door is open! And there is the one year old playing splashes in the toilet bowl... having just thrown her socks in.

Andreas bravely gets the socks; Arthur washes Megan's hands. We flee.

At home I simply wish to sleep... but there is the process of getting to bed. I trip over the fish tank that I (completely my own fault) had placed in the hallway to take downstairs but had forgotten about... it leaves moments later. Jane hurts herself before bed- takes her pjs off to show me all her war wounds from her battle with the bed/ bedside table. I get the PJS back on. She removes them again to show her daddy the same... this time pointing out some bruises from some minor incident that probably happened last week.

My husband feels that he should help me get the kids to bed. He is right. I am thankful, and I am tiered. I need my sleep to prepare for another ordinary day tommorow.

The BEST most AWESOME date EVER EVER!

So my husband and I are trying to "strengthen our marriage"... you know good old-fashioned marital improvement.

We're trying to go on a "date" once a week- leave the calamities of home at home and have some fun. So I think- hey I'll go online and find some really fly ideas and make this dating thing dynamo. I'm looking for things to strengthen our relationship, spark conversation, ignite laughter, and create memories- ya' know... a date . I'm mostly looking for date ideas that we could go on or at least recount in front of friends (if we so chose). I realize, however, that the populous at large seems to view marital dating as simply a seduction technique.

So I now pause to make mockery. I could not stop laughing- and figured if I'm enjoying this much entertainment it deserves sharing. On the particular website I have been reading there are plenty of great date ideas (for real)... but my absolute favourite part of the whole site is the unintended comedy.

Number one hilarity are the individuals bragging about their personal romantic-endeavours- and albeit, many are indeed good- I can't seem to get over the number of people who are getting busy in tents and thinking themselves creative geniuses. Secondly the number of WOMEN who think their men are dying in elation over Hershey's kisses and roses. FYI my female friends- that's NOT what our HUSBANDS want-that's what WE want. But the thing I love the best overall is when they say their husbands and boyfriends are STILL bragging about their efforts... I don't mean to be demeaning- but I can assure you they are not. It would be kinda like you bragging about how awesome it was when your "man" brought you home a new chainsaw and took you to a forest to cut down some trees.

I just read one post where a woman wrote about an elaborate, formal dinner she made for her and her husband- spaghetti on china plates. Well if that turns his crank- you've got it made! And last but not least- the THINGS people are doing with Christmas lights and tissue paper now-a-days- 'twood make your head spin!

I'm sorry I just can't stop laughing. For more great dating ideas hop on over to http://www.lovingyou.com/content/romance/datenights.php

Or better yet- if you have a great date idea- post it below. As long as it doesn't involve romantic tents, spaghetti or the tag line "you can guess what happens next"- I promise not to laugh.

Profanity anyone?

We just come in from playing outside in the snow. Sitting around the table with three little ones, and a TV going in the background we hear the tail end of a commercial for kids help phone. It's about bullying a depicts a mean kid threatening a younger child: "after school I'm going to kick your- " and then it cuts off and is intercepted by a "bleep".

My 5-year old says, "mommy I know what he was going to say".

... and I think "oh no- here comes the first piece of school yard profanity".

Testing her I say, "oh yeah, what do you think he's going to say?"

And then I take a sip of my hot chocolate.

The response: "after school I'm going to kick your phone- cause they show a phone right after"

And I happily almost spit my hot chocolate all over the table in laughter.

The "confusion" of having a peanut allergy

Me on the phone, "Hi, I am at a function where food from your restaurant is being served. I am wondering if you cook with peanut oil or have peanuts in your food- my daughter has an allergy & I want to check before I serve her any."

Restaurant reply: "No we do not cook with peanut oil. Some things have peanuts in it, but what are you going to eat"

Me :"I'm not sure the names- but there is a dish with broccoli, cauliflower & chicken"

Restaurant: "Chicken-broccoli, yes"

Me: "And one with bean sprouts"

Restaurant: "Chow-mein"

Me: "Yes that's what it's called. And chicken friend rice"

Restaurant: "Can I get your name"

Me (a bit confused): provides name

Restaurant: "And will that be all for your order?"

Me: "no I'm not ordering it- I want to know if there are peanuts in it. I'm at a function where they are serving your food and I want to make sure it's safe for my daughter before I serve it to her"

Restaurant: "Well you should have told someone before you placed your order"

Me: (not bothering to re-inform her I have just arrived at the food)... "I'm just wondering if there may be peanuts or not"

Restaurant: "Well we cook almonds in some things- so NO I would not give it to her. I can't make that guarantee."

Me: "Okay thanks"

Bet You've Never Done This!

I have a two-year old. When she's asked to do something she replies, "sure". When she's picking something out to eat or wear- she stands in front of it and queries, "let me see what I want". If she sees someone would like something of hers she directs them, "you can play with mine if you want".

She is really kinda sweet... kinda...

Yesterday a series of two-year old incidents occurred, but I won't bore you with details of liquid eyeliner being painted on our thermostat or a sink being filled up with cold water and a nude derriere sitting in it- those are simply trifles...

Let's get to the meat of the matter here. Everyone has a potty training story- and if you have enough parents in

a room you can create a well-dotted house map of places/things children have soiled. Knowing this, I still have very little reservation in saying,I think my kid tops the charts of unusual places to pee.

Yesterday I set up a little tent with my daughters potty in it. After much coercion and a few tears, my daughter is convinced it is good to once again plunk her tiny toosh on the hard, cold plastic. She sits in her little tent on and off for 10 minutes- to no avail. No pee-pees, no poopy's. Notta.

Still bare bottomed, she hops off the potty and runs the loop from our kitchen, to dining room, around the corner to the living room, rounding the bend to the hall & landing back in the kitchen where she promptly announces, "I PEED!"

Since she doesn't seem to "get it" I'm not sure if the announcement is one of personal pride or more like a warning.

It has been a quick trip between rooms so I figure there will be a travelling puddle of pee across the floor. My sister-in-law and I scour the floor to see if we can find where the incontinence occurred. I announce (what I believe) to be the discovery and go to get rags. When I return I realize the floor is not wet where I thought it was.

My sister-in-law does an "oh no" and says she thinks she's found it. Affirmative- pee is found...

The night previous my brother-in-law brought over an older 27" TV. It was sitting on the living room floor. Reading the evidence- my daughter sat on the back part (with the ventilation gaps) and PEED on/through the TV!

Yes she sat on the TV and used it as a potty!