Quotes of the Week # 2

My two year-old on mornings,  "it's not night time- it's light time!"

"What does precisely mean?

What does experimentation mean?"

-my five-year old

Eggs

While baking one day with my two year old, I reminded her to get her fingers out of the batter a number of times. Then I told her: "there are raw eggs in it- they might make you sick". My mom, who'd been in another room, entered the kitchen and my daughter quickly warned her, "Nannie don't eat the batter- there are rotten eggs in it!"

Just another Ordinary Day

In honour of Sunday's time change; I share a day from the past (March 9/08)

So my day today, went a little like this:

6:37am-
My husband (who hears NOTHING while he's sleeps) bolts up in bed and frantically says "I hear something ringing, do you hear something ringing?!!!"

I (who wakes up at the blowing of the wind) say "NO".

6:39am (approximately)-  Arthur once again sits up like a gunshots gone off by his head and again claims to hear ringing. I listen intently- thoughtfully- and with dilligence... and then I can hear it- the phone ringing 2 floors beneath us. So I think... OH NO SOMEONE IS DEAD. I don't know if Arthur thinks this too- but he runs down stairs like he might beable to save his/her life- if perhaps the verdict of death is undecided... he comes back upstairs... just his mom reminding us that the time has changed. No one has died... it's just 7:39am... and we really needed to know that.

7:40am I try to get back to sleep- excited by the fact that I'd been able to sleep for 7 record-breaking solid hours... but my mind wakes up and refuses to let my body slumber.

Shortly thereafter- Megan awakes. I allow her to play with my brand new package of pantyhose while I get dressed. I'm on top of things. Arthur has left for some early morning meetings and I am going to ready my flock for spiritual feeding all on my own and it's going to be calm and good... and it is... up until about 45 minutes before I have to leave... and I can't find my pantyhose. I get down on all 4s like some people do to "child-proof" their house... I see problems, but I do not see pantyhose. She's one- how good can she be at hide-n-seek? Mighty good. In the nick of time I discover my pantyhose one floor down, under the kitchen table... I don't know how they got there... but they did.

So this isn't too dramatic. I arrive at church late. Not too dramatic. Church is good... then Andreas & Sarah (my sibs-in-law) invite us over for supper. I say a big YES. I am happy not to cook. I am happy to relax (ha ha ha) in somebody else's home. We arrive... we talk, we jest, we are having a generally good time... and then Andreaa starts yelling at Jane. He "can't believe [she] put that in her mouth"... oh no. Has she broken something? For some reason my mind wanders to the fish tank and for a moment I envision something sticky and wrong plastered to her tongue. No. I am wrong. She's bitten off the end of a glow-stick and bright yellowy flourescence is coming from her mouth. Andreas' running to the bathroom with 3 year old under arm. Arthur is going for back-up. I request a phone book. Every woman in the room knows why. I mention how I wonder how many calls it takes to poison control before they send social services out to pick-up your children. One of my sisters-in-law offers that they probably don't know who I am. I come back with an - oh but they do- they get my phone number and my name (and I'm sure by now they're starting to recognize my voice). I call- they ask "what number are you calling from" - I breathe a sigh of relief- they don't know it's me... I get at least one more shot- I give them Sarah''s phone number. The lady tells me to get Janet  to drink water. I don't realize this is the "start" of the instructions- so I thank her and ask her if that's all? She says "no, no" and asks some questions, gives me the play-by-play of what to do. I feel a little like I'm on the phone with the 911 operator... except everyone is mostly fine... just one little someone's tongue is glowing. Long story short- don't eat glow sticks- you'll be fine but your tounge will hurt.

So we have our accident for the day or so I think. Megan  gets her fingers jammed, quite by accident, 2 times in closet doors. We eat supper. Megan starts doing this weird limp thing... Faye, Arthur, and Caley conclude something is "wrong" with her foot. I think of Jane's IWK/ limp trip and don't wish to repeat it... just walk normal would you PLEASE kid? So she doesn't. I take her socks off- still gimpy, rub her feet- little tipsy still, roll up her pant-legs... and we're back in the game. Tragedy averted.

I'm getting pretty tiered. We need to go. Curious George and company are active, I'm fatigued by it all. I put Jane's coat on. Done. "Where's Megan?" I say... not in the livingroom (where she'd been when I started the 1 minute process of putting Jane's coat on), not by the table, not in the kitchen, not in the hall. It's a one bedroom apartment- all we have left is a bedroom, some closets.... and the BATHROOM.... door is open! And there is the one year old playing splashes in the toilet bowl... having just thrown her socks in.

Andreas bravely gets the socks; Arthur washes Megan's hands. We flee.

At home I simply wish to sleep... but there is the process of getting to bed. I trip over the fish tank that I (completely my own fault) had placed in the hallway to take downstairs but had forgotten about... it leaves moments later. Jane hurts herself before bed- takes her pjs off to show me all her war wounds from her battle with the bed/ bedside table. I get the PJS back on. She removes them again to show her daddy the same... this time pointing out some bruises from some minor incident that probably happened last week.

My husband feels that he should help me get the kids to bed. He is right. I am thankful, and I am tiered. I need my sleep to prepare for another ordinary day tommorow.

The BEST most AWESOME date EVER EVER!

So my husband and I are trying to "strengthen our marriage"... you know good old-fashioned marital improvement.

We're trying to go on a "date" once a week- leave the calamities of home at home and have some fun. So I think- hey I'll go online and find some really fly ideas and make this dating thing dynamo. I'm looking for things to strengthen our relationship, spark conversation, ignite laughter, and create memories- ya' know... a date . I'm mostly looking for date ideas that we could go on or at least recount in front of friends (if we so chose). I realize, however, that the populous at large seems to view marital dating as simply a seduction technique.

So I now pause to make mockery. I could not stop laughing- and figured if I'm enjoying this much entertainment it deserves sharing. On the particular website I have been reading there are plenty of great date ideas (for real)... but my absolute favourite part of the whole site is the unintended comedy.

Number one hilarity are the individuals bragging about their personal romantic-endeavours- and albeit, many are indeed good- I can't seem to get over the number of people who are getting busy in tents and thinking themselves creative geniuses. Secondly the number of WOMEN who think their men are dying in elation over Hershey's kisses and roses. FYI my female friends- that's NOT what our HUSBANDS want-that's what WE want. But the thing I love the best overall is when they say their husbands and boyfriends are STILL bragging about their efforts... I don't mean to be demeaning- but I can assure you they are not. It would be kinda like you bragging about how awesome it was when your "man" brought you home a new chainsaw and took you to a forest to cut down some trees.

I just read one post where a woman wrote about an elaborate, formal dinner she made for her and her husband- spaghetti on china plates. Well if that turns his crank- you've got it made! And last but not least- the THINGS people are doing with Christmas lights and tissue paper now-a-days- 'twood make your head spin!

I'm sorry I just can't stop laughing. For more great dating ideas hop on over to http://www.lovingyou.com/content/romance/datenights.php

Or better yet- if you have a great date idea- post it below. As long as it doesn't involve romantic tents, spaghetti or the tag line "you can guess what happens next"- I promise not to laugh.

Profanity anyone?

We just come in from playing outside in the snow. Sitting around the table with three little ones, and a TV going in the background we hear the tail end of a commercial for kids help phone. It's about bullying a depicts a mean kid threatening a younger child: "after school I'm going to kick your- " and then it cuts off and is intercepted by a "bleep".

My 5-year old says, "mommy I know what he was going to say".

... and I think "oh no- here comes the first piece of school yard profanity".

Testing her I say, "oh yeah, what do you think he's going to say?"

And then I take a sip of my hot chocolate.

The response: "after school I'm going to kick your phone- cause they show a phone right after"

And I happily almost spit my hot chocolate all over the table in laughter.

The "confusion" of having a peanut allergy

Me on the phone, "Hi, I am at a function where food from your restaurant is being served. I am wondering if you cook with peanut oil or have peanuts in your food- my daughter has an allergy & I want to check before I serve her any."

Restaurant reply: "No we do not cook with peanut oil. Some things have peanuts in it, but what are you going to eat"

Me :"I'm not sure the names- but there is a dish with broccoli, cauliflower & chicken"

Restaurant: "Chicken-broccoli, yes"

Me: "And one with bean sprouts"

Restaurant: "Chow-mein"

Me: "Yes that's what it's called. And chicken friend rice"

Restaurant: "Can I get your name"

Me (a bit confused): provides name

Restaurant: "And will that be all for your order?"

Me: "no I'm not ordering it- I want to know if there are peanuts in it. I'm at a function where they are serving your food and I want to make sure it's safe for my daughter before I serve it to her"

Restaurant: "Well you should have told someone before you placed your order"

Me: (not bothering to re-inform her I have just arrived at the food)... "I'm just wondering if there may be peanuts or not"

Restaurant: "Well we cook almonds in some things- so NO I would not give it to her. I can't make that guarantee."

Me: "Okay thanks"

Bet You've Never Done This!

I have a two-year old. When she's asked to do something she replies, "sure". When she's picking something out to eat or wear- she stands in front of it and queries, "let me see what I want". If she sees someone would like something of hers she directs them, "you can play with mine if you want".

She is really kinda sweet... kinda...

Yesterday a series of two-year old incidents occurred, but I won't bore you with details of liquid eyeliner being painted on our thermostat or a sink being filled up with cold water and a nude derriere sitting in it- those are simply trifles...

Let's get to the meat of the matter here. Everyone has a potty training story- and if you have enough parents in

a room you can create a well-dotted house map of places/things children have soiled. Knowing this, I still have very little reservation in saying,I think my kid tops the charts of unusual places to pee.

Yesterday I set up a little tent with my daughters potty in it. After much coercion and a few tears, my daughter is convinced it is good to once again plunk her tiny toosh on the hard, cold plastic. She sits in her little tent on and off for 10 minutes- to no avail. No pee-pees, no poopy's. Notta.

Still bare bottomed, she hops off the potty and runs the loop from our kitchen, to dining room, around the corner to the living room, rounding the bend to the hall & landing back in the kitchen where she promptly announces, "I PEED!"

Since she doesn't seem to "get it" I'm not sure if the announcement is one of personal pride or more like a warning.

It has been a quick trip between rooms so I figure there will be a travelling puddle of pee across the floor. My sister-in-law and I scour the floor to see if we can find where the incontinence occurred. I announce (what I believe) to be the discovery and go to get rags. When I return I realize the floor is not wet where I thought it was.

My sister-in-law does an "oh no" and says she thinks she's found it. Affirmative- pee is found...

The night previous my brother-in-law brought over an older 27" TV. It was sitting on the living room floor. Reading the evidence- my daughter sat on the back part (with the ventilation gaps) and PEED on/through the TV!

Yes she sat on the TV and used it as a potty!