Here come the Diggers

So here is a run-down of activities since September:

1. 5-year old starts school- hard for her and even more for me (whole other story)

2. I get sick- allergies, stomach flu, gastritis, H1N1, strep throat, chest cold (in that order & its now only November)

3. List house for sale, finish renovations, keep house tidy (with 3 tiny children) for what feels like constant-showings, pack with ...

4. A 5-year old asthmatic who gets sick- H1N1, anaphylactic reaction to peanuts (2 ambulances, 2 hospitals involved)

5. Start painting & cleaning new house before we move into an already full house

6. Try to clean out & up remainder of old house & move things into new house- get all paperwork in order for sale & purchase

... which brings us to yesterday when our electrical panel was being switched out.

I looked around the chaos of my house shortly after my 2-year old had found her way into a series of problems. Overwhelmed by the mess and stress I thought it might be a nice time for a good-cry. Unfortunately the tears just wouldn't come...

My brother-in-law, an electrician, came into the house to report on the activities of the panel change. I fully expected some sort of "unexpected" news- he told me of a few small problems, but said there was nothing major. Good. WOW- that's actually great.

A few hours later he came back in the house. His face looked grave this time (not a joke) and I knew something was wrong. Our street wiring is underground, and because of a problem with the meter base the power company informed him that they would have to send out a crew and digger to unearth the connection by the road. My heart sunk. I don't know if you've ever had to hire excavators- but it's a lucrative business for those who own- not those who pay.

We've been finding a number of need-to-be-resolved issues in the house and the thought of paying oodles of money for a machine to dig a hole outside, when there are so many problems inside was very discouraging.

My brother-in-law said it would be a few hours for the diggers to arrive. I got busy sorting and tidying my daughters' room. I saw the first truck arrive and didn't think much of it. A few minutes later I looked out the window to see if the digger had arrived... the power company sent not ONE but TWO diggers! I giggled with relief as I saw the heavy, duty-equipment get to work... two, blue-clad workmen with shovels and a metal detector! The best looking-diggers I've ever seen! I guess it's not all bad!

Quotes of the Week

I was getting my 5-year old to make her Christmas list yesterday. She struggled to think of anything. Finally after prodding her with toy flyers, online sites, and questions she came up with about a dozen things including stocking stuffers. I explained to her that (although her list was short) she might not get everything on it (she had asked for a trip to Disney). She kind of crinkled her nose and waved her hand around and said, "I know. I know. It's okay. I wouldn't be mad if I got three or four things. I would be happy. Then she paused. Her face lit up and she said,

"I would be so surprised if I got cash or money or something!"

****

Last night my brother was over. I offered him some homemade soup.

He looked at it and said, "no thanks".

About an hour later I guess he decided to sample it and then asked,

"how is it that you can make things that look so disgusting and taste so good?"

DO NOT pick your nose and eat it

I have observed the following grossness in every walk of life, despite race, religion, and socio-economic background every child will at some point pick his or her nose AND potentially- yes- EAT it. For some reason, despite the absolute grossness, picking of the nose knows no boundaries.

Now I know this is an uncomfortable topic, but some things need to be addressed. This subject came up one day in our household with one of our children.

I was yuckily-surprised to see one of my offspring participating in such a repulsive act, but like I said- the nose knows no boundaries.

I addressed it like this...

FIRM VOICE, "do NOT pick your nose- it is gross! AND NEVER eat it! That's DISGUSTING! If you've got a little-something up there- go to the bathroom and clear it out privately with a tissue, but DON'T pick it in public!" (repeated 3+ times)

My husband seeing the same problem arise AGAIN and hoping to rid us of the debacle with no further reminders addressed it like this...

Father to child, "Are you picking your nose and eating it? No we don't do that. Come here."

He opens our kitchen compost- chalk full of rotten, decomposing food and floor sweepings.

Then he says to our little one, "see this. This is the no good stuff left-over from the food. Would you eat this?"

Child, "No."

Father, "Your snot is like the no-good stuff left-over from your body. If you pick your nose and eat it, it is like eating the compost. If you pick your nose and eat it- you won't have any friends."

Child, "okay."

The End

Moral of the story: If you pick your nose and eat it you are a disgusting person and no will ever want to be associated with you.

Halloween Babies

While talking one day, my sister-in-law told my brother-in-law (her husband) that they would be dressing my 8-month old niece as a chicken for Halloween.

Disgusted by the apparent "sissyness" of a chicken, my brother-in-law said:

"that isn't scarey!"

My sister-in-law reminded him that she didn't necessarily want their daughter to be frightening, to which my brother shared his idea of a great baby costume:

"I thought we could dress her up as a maggot".

Celebrity Status

My children all look very much alike as babies: round, chubby faces, huge eyes, little noses, and rosy mouths.

When my oldest daughter was a baby people (friends and strangers alike) frequently remarked about her resemblance to the Gerber baby. I heard the comment so often that I called Gerber to see if they had a baby contest. They informed me that at Gerber they believe ALL babies are beautiful and that they didn't distinguish between any of them. (Obviously ALOT of people thought they had a Gerber Baby and Gerber didn't wish to notify them otherwise).

When my daughter became a toddler the comments were more about the Copperrtone Kid and Cindy-Lou Who, and since her toddler years reference has been made to Tinkerbelle.

All this said, I wasn't particularly surprised when a friend told me that my second daughter resembled someone famous. My girls look very similar so I thought it was one of the above-mentioned "celebs". My friend told me it was not any of them but couldn't quite put his finger on it.

One day while at a church social, my friend was observing my daughter. A lightbulb clicked.

He approached me and with his finger in the air, he said, "I know who [she] looks like now!"

Waiting for a foreseeable response I asked, "who?"

His answer: "An Ewok!"

Unwritten Childhood Rites of Passage

1. They will flush something down the toilet that they shouldn't (more than once)

2. They will write on things that are not paper- i.e. your walls, your table, your furniture, your floor

3. They will break valuable items

4. They will eat a non-food item and you will call Poison Control

5. They will fart or burp louder then a man (when they are the size of a mans arm), and they will occassionally do this in an inappropriate location.

6. They will put EVERYTHING in their mouth- for what seems like forever

7. They will copy what you say

8. They will fall out of bed

9. They will bleed or break

10. They will NO MATTER how ZEN you or they are: hit, kick, punch, scream, bite, and/or scratch their siblings.

11. They will slime something somewhere i.e. icecream on your kitchen floor, diaper cream all over their bodies, lotion on your carpet

If you have kids you just did the check-list and started remembering the crazy days of motherhood... feel free to share what your kid ate, slimed, wrote-on, or broke in your comments!

Tanya the "Vampire"

Since Halloween is fast approaching- I thought this story would be a fun one to share. It happened before I had kids- but all these things bring us experience!

I've known my friend Tanya for along time. Like- I don't know- I'm going to say 12 years- maybe more?- probably more. I don't know. Anyways- we'll just go with twelve... and in all that time not once have I looked at her and thought: "gee you look like a vampire maybe I should slay you." Nope not once.
Until...

One night somewhere just before or after Christmas of 2000, my boyfriend, my friend, and I went to "my house"- (this was the house my friend Kristiane so kindly let me co-habit while she house-sat and took care of a mentally-ill Dalmatian). There were a number of our mutual friends over as we were having some sort of low-energy output, big-calorie consumption shindig.

We go to the door expecting to hear the hustle and bustle of comrades in the full swing of fun, but instead we are greeted by a little note letting us know that Tanya is at emergency and everyone has gone. As you can well imagine we are concerned- I mean if everyone has gone AND the word "emergency" has been used it must be bad.

We step inside for a CSI moment. There on the dining room floor is a wooden chair: one leg broken and the end smeared with blood. No "spatter" or "pooling"... just the tip- gross none the less.

We figure this is serious enough for us to join the party at the hospital. When we arrive, the inner waiting area is packed with our little party of well-wishers- each and all crossing their fingers that Tanya will be "alright".

"What happened?" we ask- and I believe the following account can only be attributed to a vampire- slaying ghost from the netherworld.
Tiny-Tanya had sat upon a usually sturdy wooden chair when it suddenly collapsed from under her- the back leg breaking into dagger-like form and then somehow? (who knows how? I'm not sure a physics-major would know how?) forcefully lodged itself in her upper leg just below her butt- sending her and all her friends to the emergency room to see if she might need stitches.

She has steely eyes, and she's pretty fair complected; she does have dark hair... but her teeth are pretty normal, and she seems to go to bed at a reasonable hour so I don't know why anyone would associate her with the count... but I'm pretty sure a ghost name Buffy is out to get her.