Profanity anyone?

We just come in from playing outside in the snow. Sitting around the table with three little ones, and a TV going in the background we hear the tail end of a commercial for kids help phone. It's about bullying a depicts a mean kid threatening a younger child: "after school I'm going to kick your- " and then it cuts off and is intercepted by a "bleep".

My 5-year old says, "mommy I know what he was going to say".

... and I think "oh no- here comes the first piece of school yard profanity".

Testing her I say, "oh yeah, what do you think he's going to say?"

And then I take a sip of my hot chocolate.

The response: "after school I'm going to kick your phone- cause they show a phone right after"

And I happily almost spit my hot chocolate all over the table in laughter.

The "confusion" of having a peanut allergy

Me on the phone, "Hi, I am at a function where food from your restaurant is being served. I am wondering if you cook with peanut oil or have peanuts in your food- my daughter has an allergy & I want to check before I serve her any."

Restaurant reply: "No we do not cook with peanut oil. Some things have peanuts in it, but what are you going to eat"

Me :"I'm not sure the names- but there is a dish with broccoli, cauliflower & chicken"

Restaurant: "Chicken-broccoli, yes"

Me: "And one with bean sprouts"

Restaurant: "Chow-mein"

Me: "Yes that's what it's called. And chicken friend rice"

Restaurant: "Can I get your name"

Me (a bit confused): provides name

Restaurant: "And will that be all for your order?"

Me: "no I'm not ordering it- I want to know if there are peanuts in it. I'm at a function where they are serving your food and I want to make sure it's safe for my daughter before I serve it to her"

Restaurant: "Well you should have told someone before you placed your order"

Me: (not bothering to re-inform her I have just arrived at the food)... "I'm just wondering if there may be peanuts or not"

Restaurant: "Well we cook almonds in some things- so NO I would not give it to her. I can't make that guarantee."

Me: "Okay thanks"

Bet You've Never Done This!

I have a two-year old. When she's asked to do something she replies, "sure". When she's picking something out to eat or wear- she stands in front of it and queries, "let me see what I want". If she sees someone would like something of hers she directs them, "you can play with mine if you want".

She is really kinda sweet... kinda...

Yesterday a series of two-year old incidents occurred, but I won't bore you with details of liquid eyeliner being painted on our thermostat or a sink being filled up with cold water and a nude derriere sitting in it- those are simply trifles...

Let's get to the meat of the matter here. Everyone has a potty training story- and if you have enough parents in

a room you can create a well-dotted house map of places/things children have soiled. Knowing this, I still have very little reservation in saying,I think my kid tops the charts of unusual places to pee.

Yesterday I set up a little tent with my daughters potty in it. After much coercion and a few tears, my daughter is convinced it is good to once again plunk her tiny toosh on the hard, cold plastic. She sits in her little tent on and off for 10 minutes- to no avail. No pee-pees, no poopy's. Notta.

Still bare bottomed, she hops off the potty and runs the loop from our kitchen, to dining room, around the corner to the living room, rounding the bend to the hall & landing back in the kitchen where she promptly announces, "I PEED!"

Since she doesn't seem to "get it" I'm not sure if the announcement is one of personal pride or more like a warning.

It has been a quick trip between rooms so I figure there will be a travelling puddle of pee across the floor. My sister-in-law and I scour the floor to see if we can find where the incontinence occurred. I announce (what I believe) to be the discovery and go to get rags. When I return I realize the floor is not wet where I thought it was.

My sister-in-law does an "oh no" and says she thinks she's found it. Affirmative- pee is found...

The night previous my brother-in-law brought over an older 27" TV. It was sitting on the living room floor. Reading the evidence- my daughter sat on the back part (with the ventilation gaps) and PEED on/through the TV!

Yes she sat on the TV and used it as a potty!