I actually love them, but it's a very unhealthy relationship. It's like the guy you should never like because he'll bring out the worst in you, make you look bad, and somewhere along the way while he's using you- embarass you shamelessly in front of your friends and family. Only after tossed to the side do you realize how ridiculous it all is- but never in the moment can you see it- that is what these pants are like. I know that we shouldn't be together- in fact I've tried a number of times to break it off.
I've looked in the mirror and seen what these pants do to me- they give me serious hips that I don't actually have and make it impossible to tell I have anything at all to sit on. They look sloppy and unkept despite their brand name label. I've put the pants in the give-to-some-one-who-needs
-it-more-and-hopefully-has -no-taste bags- but couldn't let them go and took them out. I've worn them in public, in private, and while pregnant. But recently I decided I needed to just face the facts- we're not good together. So I took the pants a' painting. And there I accidentally brushed up against some moss green kitchen paint and planted a stain on these otherwise pristine fleece creations. I thought then it was over- I thought then I could say my goodbyes. It should have been easy- these pants are not even just ugly they're now "soiled"... even when washed- to wear them would be shameful- embarassing not simply because they look unfashionable but because they now appear unfashionable AND homeless. Who wants to date someone like that? But they're warm and they wrap me up and hug me like a blanket everytime I put them on. And who wouldn't want to date someone like that?
So tonight I find myself looking deep into the recesses of my closet- for the warm hug - but it is not there. I'd like to tell you we've split up- the pants have gone to rags, or a painter in the artic is happy to see them round out his or her collection- but I must admit the truth... they are in the laundry- waiting for me, calling me by name- saying "I require no maintenance, I keep you warm, I've been loyal, you know you love me- I'm "Wash and Wear"- what more could a girl want? I'm a luxury fabric.